Real Men use tools!

 

In the matter of sex toys in the bedroom, Toxic Masculinity holds us back!  
“Oh, Shit” I can already hear some readers thinking. “Ray has gone Woke”  
Well, to be honest, I always have been, but I am also thinking about how Toxic masculinity works against us as men.  
 
You see, we get told a lot of bullshit growing up.  
We are told that sex is an act of conquest. 
We are told that women don’t like to have sex and we have to convince them 
We are told that our worth as men is partially measured by the frequency we get a woman into bed. 
and 
We are told that we need to be self-reliant and self-sufficient 


These lies all work to damage our sexual relationships in very real ways.  
Because we see sex as an act of conquest where we are convincing women to do something they don’t like, we have trouble fully grasping the importance of consent.   Let me make something clear.  Most women like sex very much!  
Because we measure our worth by sex, we tend to get very defensive and at times possessive about sex.  Sex touches our vulnerability and we are loath to tolerate any challenge to our own worth.  
And worst of all, because we are told that we need to be self-reliant, we tend to ignore the very devices that could make our lives easier and better.  
 
When you read men’s objections to sex toys, the same complaints seem to keep coming up 
 

  1. If she has a vibrator she doesn’t need me
  2. Sex toys are cheating
  3. I should be enough for her
  4. What do I get out of it?
I’ll try and address each of these
 

If she has a vibrator she doesn’t need me

When someone says this, I cannot help but think that they are telling on themselves.   Yes. If she can get

the same level of satisfaction out of a vibrating rod of silicone and plastic that she can get from you, she does NOT need you and should truly rethink your relationship.  In such a case you must be providing her with no emotional or physical stimulation outside the penetrative act.  You would be failing to meet the bare minimum.   
The truth is men and women approach and experience sex in different ways.  Most men can go from “cold stop” to gooey blast with just a bit of tugging,  sure pictures/videos, etc can help it along, but we are very physical.   
Women however are much more mentally.  “Rubbing one out” can be much more involved and needs to be accompanied by a specific mental state.  It’s part of why Men tend to prefer visible porn while many women find literary erotica more stimulating.   
When you assume that a vibrator can replace a man, you are thinking about a woman’s sexuality as though it were a man’s.  
Men, you can provide so much more.  Looks, Intent, Voice, Body, Hands, lips, tongue, and talent are all things Mr. Buzzy cannot provide.  If you are doing things right, YOU are who she is thinking about when Mr. Buzzy comes into play.  
Can Mr. Buzzy take her out for a romantic evening?   
Can Mr. Buzzy excite her with suggestions that may or may not hint at things to come?
Can Mr. Buzzy send shivers down her spine with a light nibble of her ear lobe or a gentle finger down her back?  
Can Mr. Buzzy call her a “Good Girl?” 
Well, then Mr. Buzzy isn’t taking anyone’s place, is he?  

Sex Toys are cheating

Seriously?  Are you claiming that you NEVER jerk off when you are in a relationship?  Why would it be ok for you, but the moment she Jills off, she is some cheap hussy?  Go and re-read the previous section.  A lump of plastic and silicone is not a person and should not ever be considered competition in any way.    In fact, as you will see, I tend not to think of toys as competition so much as tag-team partners. 

I should be enough for her

Reading what I wrote above,  you may be thinking this, and to an extent, yes you can provide plenty that a toy cannot. But why is it either/or?   
I have a news flash for you.  Women orgasm differently than men do!  When we orgasm, it's the finale,  the culmination of everything that came before.  We get our rocks off, experience any pending post-nut clarity, and are done for about half an hour or more.   
For women, it is a different picture.  Many women are able to experience multiple orgasms, one on top of the other.  
Big ones, little ones, some are made with cocks… 
Sorry, couldn’t resist.  
The point is, once a woman “arrives” is no reason to stop. 
So, Yes you can make a woman cum with your cock alone.  Congratulations,  maybe you have a 1:1 ratio.  You think you are a generous lover, she always has a “good time”  
Why not run up the score?  If a 1:1 Orgasm ratio is good,  imagine what she will think of you when you hit 5:1 or 10:1?  

What do I get out of it? 

There is a horrible myth that women don’t enjoy sex.   It feeds into the myth that sex is always a coercive act and contributes to a lot of issues toxic masculinity has with the concept of consent.  The

truth is, that most women do enjoy sex but it is often a lot of hassle for an unsatisfying experience.   So, expecting to be disappointed, many women just don’t want to bother.  
What if she knew she wouldn’t be disappointed?  
What if she knew that sex meant having her mind blown every time?  
I am sure you can see how this might encourage her to be more open to more frequent sessions.  
The more you give, the more you receive.  When you are attentive to your woman’s wants desires, and triggers, you can make sure she has the best time possible.  She bought those toys for a reason, find out how she likes to use them and take over allowing her to lay back and just enjoy the ride.   
They say a sandwich is always better when someone else makes it for you.  The same applies to orgasms.  
When a woman is having a great time every time she has sex, she is going to want to have more sex.  Which means YOU will be having more sex.  It’s customer service in action.  A satisfied customer will keep coming back for more.  

Dive in!

I love sex.  I also am a pleasure dom.  
That means that I consensually dominate my submissive through the promise, denial, suggestion and application of pleasure.  Providing pleasure is my kink and try my best to master that skill.    

I have taken the time to learn my partner’s body and how she reacts to stimuli.  I like to think I know exactly what buttons to press.  But I am also only human.  
The body has limits, tongues and fingers can get tired and a man can only hold back so long, no matter how much baseball he imagines.  
That is why I am a strong believer in the use of power tools. 
I cut a hole in the back of the bottom drawer of my bedside table.  Through that hole, I ran the cable to a power strip that I mounted inside the drawer.   Every outlet on that strip is currently occupied by the charger for one of our collections of spicy toys.  This way I always have options, even when we sneak upstairs for a quickie.  
The possibilities are endless.  
For nights out, we have a collection of remote control vibrators.  Our favorite is powerful enough to bring her to climax but quiet enough not to be heard, even in a romantic restaurant.  It is synced to her phone and I can control it remotely through mine.  By the time we get home from these outings, we are heading straight to the bedroom.  
At home, we have a collection of pleasure enhancers that range from gentle nibblers to massive wands that have to be plugged into the wall.  Sessions with these toys can be touching and gentle or intense challenges of endurance pushing her to the limit of what she thought she was capable of.  
In return for my generous efforts, she is extremely attentive to what I enjoy.  The end result is a relationship where we want for little in the bedroom.  This brings us to a level of intimacy that we cherish.   



Also, guys,  they make toys for us too.  There are whole worlds of sensations that you may not be aware of.  

So, give it a chance.  If she dosen't have any toys, take her to an adult shop.  Set aside taboo and embarrassment and explore together.  What interests her?  What interests you?  Give something a try.   It could create a whole new frontier for you together.   


 
 
 

 

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