Anatomy of a scene

I was browsing a popular social media site and someone asked about scene-planning.  My answer got verbose, so I decided to make it a blog entry and link it for my reply. 

I come from a theatre background, so, as a Dominant, I think of myself as the director and a session, is like a play.  I tend to plan sessions out broken into "Acts" each act is mentally outlined with a general idea of what I want to accomplish in that act before moving to the next.  This helps with pacing so that each act builds on the last so that the finale is the end result of everything that came before. 

How Long? 

A good scene does not always have to be a long scene, but it helps.  What kind of time do you have to work with where you will not be interrupted or walked in on?  Do you have the place to yourselves, or is noise going to be an issue?  

What is owed. 

When I begin planning for a session, I start by looking at what is owed.   

As part of our daily dynamic, my submissive has a set of tasks that she can do to earn points while I have the ability to assign punishments for a number of infractions.   This system and the value of each item is regularly negotiated between us and we trust each other to be fair.    

There are a number of rewards that she can buy with her points.  Some of these rewards can influence a scene. She may have a favorite activity that she wants to request, or she may have purchased a lot of "passes."   When I am planning the session, I need to take these into account.  She deserves to get the activity she purchased, and I don't like those passes to add up. 

Next I look at the punishment tally.   Remember, every thing on this list has been negotiated to be within soft limits ahead of time.   Some of these items are called "Punishment" but I'm a soft Dom at heart and they are actually "funishments."  I might not end up using every punishment on the list as it may not fit my "theme" but I try to use that list to inform my planning.  

Now that I have a good idea of how long I have, how loud we can be, what she has earned and what she is due, I can start to plan.   

Setting the stage 

The experience starts before the scene starts.  Well ahead, sometimes, the day before, I will tell my submissive what her costume requirements might be.  She has an opportunity at this point to "buy out" of the costume using some of her points.   This is rare.  In most cases she will agree to the assigned outfit. 
What the outfit may be is not nearly as important as the message it sends.   She will begin anticipating the scene and thinking about what my assignment might suggest regarding my plans.   For example, Black leather suggests a rough scene ahead where white lace may mean a gentler touch.  

Either way, submitting to my wardrobe request and then wondering about it is a nice way to get that journey to subspace started.  

She also has responsibility to prepare the space.   We have standard set up depending on the room we plan to use.   Set up may include pulling out straps from their hiding places, getting specific tools/toys out, setting out towels, and moving some furniture around.  

Opening Ceremony

Human beings attach formality to that which they find important in order to give it gravitas.  For this reason, we have formalized the transition from "every day" into "scene space."  This can be very personal and every one may take a separate approach.   Like most kink, there is no ONE RIGHT WAY to do it.   

For us, once everyone is in costume, I have the tools I need, and the room is ready we conduct the collaring.  Collars are very common and symbolic feature in many dynamics, ours is one of them.   She kneels in a prescribed place and position. 
I remove her "day collar" (a necklace that represents her submission but looks vanilla) and replace it with a “Play collar” then she stands and is inspected before I snap the leash on and the scene begins.  

 Pacing  

Unless we are pressed for time, I do not go into full intensity mode right away.   Start slow and build it up.   We may being with erotic hypnosis to calm and arouse, or a gentle physical exploration, before moving on.  

The point is to leave a “next level” open for the next act.   

After the intro sets the mood you can then move into stags where other elements are brought in.  Physical challenges, impact play, edging, pleasure overload etc.  

After a few acts with these activities, try mixing them together.  Combining mental tasks with pain and pleasure at the same time can drop your partner into a space they never knew existed!  

Head game

Sub space is that euphoric mental state a submissive can slip into where the combination of endorphins, emotions, and excitement create an altered state of consciousness.   Even without sub space, many submissive enjoy giving up control because it gives them an opportunity to take a break from responsibility.   As an “erotic tour guide” the Dominant is the one to lead the submissive through this mental journey.  

Getting my sub into sub space and maximizing the trip for her is one of my goals in the scene.   In addition to the physical activities,  I also try and channel her mind as well.   

Mental and verbal domination can be as exciting as physical domination,  sometimes MORE effective.   

Look into things like erotic hypnosis.  Create a mantra she has to recite to help her get into her head and focused on her goals in the scene. Dirty talk is very effective at this as are honorifics and pet names.

It’s hard to worry about the bills when you are focused on ending every sentence with “sir” and trying not to forget the words of her “oath of submission.”   

Just make sure you talk ahead of time about dirty talk and degradation before you use it in scene.  Some words or phrases can be triggering.  

Finale

Men are cursed with refractory periods.  It is a sad truth that, while many women are capable of multiple orgasms, sometimes one on top of another, men have to be judicious with their own climaxes.   For this reason, I like to hold myself back for the finale.  If your sub has a penis, you will want to save up for this too.   

Once you have cycled through all the elements you wanted to cover for the scene, bring them together.  I try to create a crescendo where she is overwhelmed with sensation.   Then I add myself in as the final element so that we finish together.   

Epilogue 

When it’s all over, aftercare is a must.   After the scene is over, both participants will start to feel those endorphins drain away while their mind thinks about what is going on.   In that state, with brain chemicals out of balance it can be easy to go into an emotional or overthinking spiral.  It’s referred to as “sub drop” or “Dom drop.”  

The best way to reduce the post scene drop is with aftercare.   Different people need different types of care.  Some may want touch and cuddles, others prefer a laugh.   The important thing is to make sure to offer that time to one another.    Do NOT just end a scene and walk away!   

So there you have it,  Other people are sure to have a different take, but that, to me, is how to construct a session.