Protocol Night!


Once in a while, we get away for the kids for a night, or even a weekend away.  When this rare treat presents itself, it can be a fun time to turn the dynamic up to 11.  We call them protocol nights, though sometimes they can go all day.  It is a time when we can really stretch out our wings and let the kink sweep us away.  We don't do it every time we go out.  If we did, I fear it would make this feel like expected behavior and at the same time it would make the experience less special.  It's important that we have "vanilla" evenings out as well.  But this is not a Blog about vanilla experiences.   

A protocol night is special.  It is a night out where she devotes herself to her submission and a night where I am careful to keep my eyes and ears open as a dominant.  It is a kind of pre-scene foreplay because, when we do a protocol night, the scene that follows is always amazing!  

Different kinksters will have different protocols and I will go over some of the ones we follow in a moment, but I wanted to lay the ground rules first that we follow.  


We understand that people outside our dynamic did not consent to participate in our dynamic.  Therefore, everything that we do must be discrete enough that outsiders do not realize, or have possible alternative explanations for our behavior.  I don't lead my sub on a leash through the Golden Corral, she does not call me "Master" in the middle of Lowes and we never ever do anything overtly sexual in front of others.  Not only does this rule keep others feeling safe, and keep us from being banned from Walmart, it adds an additional challenge factor to the evening.  

No surprises 

Anything we do in a protocol night has already been discussed and negotiated in a safe, judgment-free setting beforehand.  We always negotiate when we don't feel sexy.  A good time to negotiate a dynamic is after you pay bills.   The key is to make wise decisions when you are not horny or swimming in endorphins.  After paying the bills is about the least sexy I can think of.  The rules for protocol night are decided here, even if we don't have one planned.  This way we know that we have agreed to and understand what to expect from the evening.  

The Protocols

What follows is a list of protocols we follow or have followed in the past.  You can and should discuss your own.  I offer these only as potential ideas of what you could try.   Also, note that I use she/her  pronouns for my submissive but most of these can be applied to yours regardless of presentation.  

  • Order for her. Either discuss your control of her diet ahead of time or have her tell you her order ahead of time so you can tell the waiter 
  • Walk on the street side on sidewalks This is an old protective move from the book of chivalry.  The idea is that you are shielding her from any dangers of the street, from swerving busses, to a splashed puddle
  • Open doors for her Another old-fashioned custom that works well in a D/s situation.  No outside observer would think twice, but the two of you know what you are saying. 
  • Forbid her to speak to anyone other than you unless they address her directly This focuses the sub on the Dom for the night and also makes the Dom hyper-aware of his sub's wants and needs.  The direct address rule needs to be there to avoid any accidental discovery (see the first rule) otherwise this can be a very challenging but rewarding practice.   At kink events, you may encounter a sub under speech protocol that will not allow her to talk to anyone regardless of address.  As this is in a kink-space, the rules are a little different.   
  • When shopping, never pick anything up off a shelf. She must get it for you. This gives her the opportunity to serve her Dom and the Dom a chance to flex his command a little.  
  • She must always hand you items with 2 hands, or balanced on the palm of one hand as if presenting I have seen people apply this to their lifestyle dynamic.  It can be a bit challenging for the sub, so we don't practice it full time but for a night out, it can be a bit of fun.  
  • She may not eat until after you have taken your first bite. - This is a rule that started as a protocol night practice that has now become full-time in our dynamic.   Being the main cook in the household, I am often the last one to the table.  I appreciate that she waits for me.  
  • Unless speaking to a 3rd party, she is not to use the first person. "This sub would like the pie" instead of "I want pie" - This one is a real challenge!  If you are score-keeping, this is where a bulk of points will be coming from.   We get into speech patterns and disrupting them in this way is not easy.  
  • She must always address you as "sir" or "master" when she speaks unless she would be overheard. Then she says "dear" or "honey" in their place "This sub would like the pie, sir" or "I would like the pie, honey" if there is a waiter standing there. One drawback to this with the honorific "sir" is that the sub can start to sound like Marcy from the Peanuts cartoon.   Which opens a whole set of questions about the nature of the relationship between Marcy and Peppermint Patty.  
  • Still hands, no phones, or fidgeting. When sitting and her hands are not employed (eating etc) she is to set her palms on the table or palms on her thighs.  This is the one that nearly breaks her every time.  We are not used to staying still in this age.  
  • Get a click Counter and click it every time she breaks protocol. Make sure she sees you click it. Negotiate a way that those clicks are applied in a later scene. For us, Each click is 1 strike/lash 5 lashes adds another punishment like 5 minutes in a ball-gag.  While there are a number of phone apps that can track "scores" the mechanical click, and the glint of chrome can be enough to slip her into subspace.
  • A remote vibrator. While she is trying to concentrate on all the tasks above while being discrete, a good remote vibrator can raise the stakes a great deal.   You could leave it on a constant low stimulation to make sure she is horny and frustrated by the time you are alone together, OR you could amp it up in inconvenient times and see if she can "hold the moan"  Either way, these are amazing toys!  

Spend a night out following these protocols and try to keep your hands off each other at the end of the evening.  You will be captivated by her submission, and eager to pay off the number on your counter.  Meanwhile, she will simply be fit to be tied.  

Have fun!  


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