Dominant Thoughts

I was browsing a popular social media site and someone asked about scene-planning.  My answer got verbose, so I decided to make it a blog entry and link it for my reply.  I come from a theatre background, so, as a Dominant, I think of myself as the director and a session, is like a play.  I tend to plan sessions out broken into "Acts" each act is mentally outlined with a general idea of what I want to accomplish in that act before moving to the next.  This helps with pacing so that each act builds on the last so that the finale is the end result of everything that came before.  How Long?  A good scene does not always have to be a long scene, but it helps.  What kind of time do you have to work with where you will not be interrupted or walked in on?  Do you have the place to yourselves, or is noise going to be an issue?   What is owed.  When I begin planning for a session, I start by looking at what is owed.    As part of o...

 So,   In addition to making TikToks and writing this blog, my partner and I have been working on some erotic fiction.  The experience has been illuminating and I am glad to hit the first milestone as of today!   Bound in Nexum By Ray and Katie Oslow Sarah Soshi was overwhelmed with debt, and slipping.  As she watched her options dwindle before her eyes,  she is given a shocking proposal from the charming Richard.   The legalization of sex work has would allow Sarah to sign herself entirely over to Richard.  He would control her every moment, what she wore, what she ate, what she said, she would belong to him.   In return her debts would disappear and, if she finished the agreed upon term, she would be wealthy.  It was an arrangement the ancient Romans had called "Nexum"  Available now on multiple platforms including free on Kindle Unlimited!  

  (Note: I include the following in the forward for any story I publish) Writing erotic of fantasy can be challenging.  Especially when you dip into the "Taboo" You always worry that people will take your words the wrong way, or fail to understand the difference between a fantasy and a reality.  Outside of writing fiction, I try to advocate for safe, sane and consensual kink as much as we can.  Most of what I write in fiction would not qualify as healthy dynamics.  These stories are absolute fantasy, the kind of thing you might imagine in a role play.    Sometimes it can be fun for a couple to imagine themselves in a situation like the ones depicted in these stories, but when they do, they should always recognize that it is in the act of play.    A healthy relationship is a relationship where the humanity and value of every person is respected.   Too often, I have heard horror stories from people new to kink being taken advantag...

My wife and I were married for 12 years before we got into a Dominant/submissive BDSM dynamic. NEITHER of us had experience so we stumbled along the way. Especially with excessive enthusiasm in the beginning. One of the early pitfalls you can fall into as you explore kink is frenzy. I have seen it called "sub frenzy" but it can happen to Dominants too. In Frenzy, your enthusiasm for this newly discovered thing seems to take over. Caution, reason, and context can too easily take a back seat as you endeavor to try everything, pushing boundaries, and stretching your own limits. Its important you try and recognize the difference in yourself between being enthusiastic and being in frenzy.   When my good girl and I started in kink, we went all in, with full Master/slave protocol and con tracts.  We had not done our research beyond watching 50 shades and some porn. As you can imagine, trying to go from vanilla into a 24/7 TPE unresearched dynamic didn’t take long to blow up o...

So, at some point or another in one's kink journey, they go through the "research" phase.    This is when you start scoping out for all the kink content you can find to help you get a better understand, or just expand your horizons.    This is excellent!  Research is extremely important to being safe.   Hopefully you have read about SSC (Safe Sane Consensual) and RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink).  In reading up on these you have learned how important it is to go into any Kink activity, fully aware and prepared.    Now you have an idea of what you are looking for!  This is great.   How does your partner feel?   Oh...  You haven't talked to your partner yet?  Believe me, I understand that outing yourself to your partner can be intimidating.  Sure you can say "lets spice things up" but that could mean 1000x different things.   For your partner "spice it up" might mean "lets do it on a week ...

My wife and I were married and vanilla for over 10 years.  Suddenly the cork popped and we dove head first into this spicy journey. While making love, I tried something new, I pinned her wrists over her head. She said "tie them."   What followed was an open and honest conversation about our desires, confessing things we were keeping to ourselves because we thought they would freak out the other person.  The whole time we had ben together, I had suppressed the urge to tie her up and dominate her, thinking that she would take offense. At the same time, she had been hiding her desire to be restrained and used, thinking I was too modern for such ideas. In that conversation, we discovered that we had very compatible kinks. Over the next few months, we, through some trial and error, found ourselves in to our roles. We have been refining this dynamic for five years now. Today we have a rewarding and satisfying dynamic. It has moved beyond the bedroom and, elements ...