Dominant Thoughts

 THE CARROT AND THE STICK We have a constant dynamic.  It’s not 24/7 full discipline like you see in movies, but it is a dynamic that has elements that are “always on.”  She is always submissive, I am always the Dominant.  The only time this is not in effect is when we do bills, or deal with our kids.  She has a day collar that looks like jewelry, it only comes off for showers, medical procedures, or when I remove it to put her play collar on.  I also track her chores and behavior to a standard we negotiated together.   Keeping my eye on her, and her knowing that I am always watching, waiting to add a “click” to my counter, means that we are both always thinking of one another.  Our dynamic, which feeds into our intimacy is always on our minds.   We started this five years ago and the second honeymoon it initiated has not run out yet.  Though there are challenges.  I often joke with my submissive that she can be frustratin...

  Once in a while, we get away for the kids for a night, or even a weekend away.  When this rare treat presents itself, it can be a fun time to turn the dynamic up to 11.  We call them protocol nights, though sometimes they can go all day.  It is a time when we can really stretch out our wings and let the kink sweep us away.  We don't do it every time we go out.  If we did, I fear it would make this feel like expected behavior and at the same time it would make the experience less special.  It's important that we have "vanilla" evenings out as well.  But this is not a Blog about vanilla experiences.    A protocol night is special.  It is a night out where she devotes herself to her submission and a night where I am careful to keep my eyes and ears open as a dominant.  It is a kind of pre-scene foreplay because, when we do a protocol night, the scene that follows is always amazing!   Different kinksters will have diffe...

 On a few social media sites lately, I have seen questions come up about safe-words.   I honestly wish I didn't need to address this subject.  It would be great if anyone practicing kink did so with a full dedication to safety and consent.  Unfortunately, from some of the toxic stuff I have seen online, it seems clear that this is not the case.   On Twitter, on Reddit and on TikTok, It feels like there are more people with questions and concerns about safe-words, if they need them, when they should be used, when they should be honored.    I can answer all of that very quickly before we go on.  Yes, you need a safe-word, You should use them whenever you feel the need to, Your partner damn well better honor them!   Now that I have clearly stated my position on the subject, there are a few things I have seen come up and I would like to address each of them.   Safe words are for submissives WRONG! In a D/s relationship, t...

I was browsing a popular social media site and someone asked about scene-planning.  My answer got verbose, so I decided to make it a blog entry and link it for my reply.  I come from a theatre background, so, as a Dominant, I think of myself as the director and a session, is like a play.  I tend to plan sessions out broken into "Acts" each act is mentally outlined with a general idea of what I want to accomplish in that act before moving to the next.  This helps with pacing so that each act builds on the last so that the finale is the end result of everything that came before.  How Long?  A good scene does not always have to be a long scene, but it helps.  What kind of time do you have to work with where you will not be interrupted or walked in on?  Do you have the place to yourselves, or is noise going to be an issue?   What is owed.  When I begin planning for a session, I start by looking at what is owed.    As part of o...

 So,   In addition to making TikToks and writing this blog, my partner and I have been working on some erotic fiction.  The experience has been illuminating and I am glad to hit the first milestone as of today!   Bound in Nexum By Ray and Katie Oslow Sarah Soshi was overwhelmed with debt, and slipping.  As she watched her options dwindle before her eyes,  she is given a shocking proposal from the charming Richard.   The legalization of sex work has would allow Sarah to sign herself entirely over to Richard.  He would control her every moment, what she wore, what she ate, what she said, she would belong to him.   In return her debts would disappear and, if she finished the agreed upon term, she would be wealthy.  It was an arrangement the ancient Romans had called "Nexum"  Available now on multiple platforms including free on Kindle Unlimited!  

  (Note: I include the following in the forward for any story I publish) Writing erotic of fantasy can be challenging.  Especially when you dip into the "Taboo" You always worry that people will take your words the wrong way, or fail to understand the difference between a fantasy and a reality.  Outside of writing fiction, I try to advocate for safe, sane and consensual kink as much as we can.  Most of what I write in fiction would not qualify as healthy dynamics.  These stories are absolute fantasy, the kind of thing you might imagine in a role play.    Sometimes it can be fun for a couple to imagine themselves in a situation like the ones depicted in these stories, but when they do, they should always recognize that it is in the act of play.    A healthy relationship is a relationship where the humanity and value of every person is respected.   Too often, I have heard horror stories from people new to kink being taken advantag...

My wife and I were married for 12 years before we got into a Dominant/submissive BDSM dynamic. NEITHER of us had experience so we stumbled along the way. Especially with excessive enthusiasm in the beginning. One of the early pitfalls you can fall into as you explore kink is frenzy. I have seen it called "sub frenzy" but it can happen to Dominants too. In Frenzy, your enthusiasm for this newly discovered thing seems to take over. Caution, reason, and context can too easily take a back seat as you endeavor to try everything, pushing boundaries, and stretching your own limits. Its important you try and recognize the difference in yourself between being enthusiastic and being in frenzy.   When my good girl and I started in kink, we went all in, with full Master/slave protocol and con tracts.  We had not done our research beyond watching 50 shades and some porn. As you can imagine, trying to go from vanilla into a 24/7 TPE unresearched dynamic didn’t take long to blow up o...